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March 15, 2010
“This has been a pleasant surprise . . . Your Excellency” – Rev. William E. Alberts, Ph.D.
As I entered the patient’s room, the bathroom door, just inside the entranceway, was wide open, and a man was sitting on the toilet. I said, apologetically, “Oh, I’m sorry.” His nonchalant response led me to pause long enough to introduce myself as Hospital Chaplain and to ask, “Are you Jason Hopewell?” “Yes,” he replied, and added, “I want to talk to you.” “I will come back,” I responded.
A white man in his thirties, the patient greeted me with, “Your Excellency,” then sat on his bed with his legs crossed, and I took a chair. I’ve been called a lot of things in my time but never “Your Excellency.” My initial aim was to obtain his religious preference, which was unknown. Saying he was Episcopalian, he immediately stated what he wanted to talk about: “I don’t like certain of my feelings. And I want to get close to God.” (His sudden, and possibly fleeting illness—he was discharged the next day—may have helped to motivate his desire for closeness with God.)
“What feelings don’t you like?,” I asked. He replied, “I’ve been jealous of this man who is handsome. He became ill, and I found myself feeling good about his condition. I then got to know him better, and he seemed like a good person. I don’t like myself for finding pleasure in his illness.
I said that his jealousy indicated he had feelings of insecurity about himself. That feeling good about himself would enable him to be more accepting of and compassionate toward other persons. I asked if that made sense to him. He said that it clearly did.
One’s god can be a divisive weapon in the mind of an insecure and jealous person. Or a transcending inspiration in the heart of a self-aware and loving person. Thus I focused on the relationship between him not liking his feelings of jealousy and his desire to get close to God: “I believe getting close to God involves getting close to yourself, i.e. understanding yourself. Your perception of God, like your feelings about other persons, can be colored by your own insecurities and any unresolved issues. Self-understanding, awareness and acceptance of your own humanness and working on personal issues—that’s what I mean by getting close to yourself, which, I believe is a gateway to closeness with God. This statement gave him pause, and led him to reply, “You are getting close to home here.” “Have you ever talked to a mental health professional before,” I asked. “Yes,” he answered. “You may want to consider it again.”
“What kind of work do you do?” I asked. The patient is a television news reporter, worked for a major network affiliate and has a job interview in a few days with a different affiliate. His training included working as a volunteer staff person for the Lt. Governor of a large eastern state. He enthusiastically described his work as a news reporter: “You’re at the scene and center of events that are on the top of the news and in everyone’s minds.” He then explained how composing reports from the scene of a story is far more grammatically challenging than the reports written for an anchor person at the television station. He pointed out the importance for viewer interest of reporting from the actual scene of a story. He expressed interest in the value I placed in having personally utilized television media to cover newsworthy church involvements.
Because of the enthusiasm he displayed in describing his work as a television reporter, I asked, “What makes you happy?” He replied, “Feeling loved and safe.” Do you feel loved?,” I asked. “Yes,” he replied with no hesitation. He is apparently close to his sister and brother-in-law whom he was visiting in the Boston area when he became ill, and to his parents who continue to support him financially. I stated the enthusiasm with which he described his work as a television news reporter, and asked if obtaining such a position again might help him to feel safe. “Yes,” he replied
When I introduced the end of my visit, he said, “Say something to me in 10 seconds or less.” I answered, “May your self-understanding lead you closer to your own humanness. May you enjoy much love and safety. And best wishes in that television interview next week.” He replied, “Thank you, Your Excellency. This has been a pleasant surprise.”
****Note: The patient’s name has been changed and locations generalized to protect his identity.
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BillAlberts is a hospital chaplain at Boston Medical Center. Dr. Alberts is a nationally known writer and an occasional contributor to Counterpunch. In addition, he is convener of the New England Chapter of CPSP. He can be reached at: william.alberts@bmc.org
Posted by Perry Miller, Editor at March 15, 2010 2:01 PM