The College of Pastoral Supervision & Psychotherapy is a theologically based covenant community, dedicated to "recovery of the soul" and promoting competency in the clinical pastoral field.
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Upon entering 7 West, I was greeted by the Unit Secretary who said, “Rev. Alberts, the patient in Room 16A wants to talk to you.” An example of the importance of a chaplain’s visibility on patient floors meeting the need of immediate availability. As I headed for 16A, the patient’s nurse approached and informed me, “The patient has cancer that’s spread throughout his body. And, at his request, he was just made DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) and DNI (Do Not Intubate). He’s just coming to terms with what they mean.” I entered the 80-year-old black man’s room, introduced myself and stated “You wanted to see me.” “Yes,” he answered. “I want to get tight with him.”
The word “tight” had a human ring. Impressed by his street language, I assumed whom he probably meant by “him,” but wanted the patient to identify “him” in his own words. So, I asked, “You want to get tight with whom?” He replied, “With God. I’m a believer, but not a good Christian.” “What is a good Christian?” I asked. “One who goes to church,” he replied. That is what he was taught, like so many people. Being a “good Christian” is equated with attending church. The church salesmanship pitch of many a pastor and priest and their denominational leaders. The institution as an end in itself, rather than a means of affirming and enabling everyone’s worth and rights—a contradiction of Jesus’ teaching (and giving of himself) that the Sabbath was made for people not people for the Sabbath.
Around age 13, the patient thought about being really “tight with God” by becoming a minister—evidently influenced by his devout and caring 90-year-old grandmother. But he did not pursue this calling. “At that time [in Atlanta, Georgia and everywhere else]” he said, “there was segregation, and I didn’t think I could get the education needed to become a minister.” A commentary here is that, in his youth, he made “light” of his grandmother’s urgings that he attend school. The ambition and hopes of a black youth “segregated” and suffocated. He made “light” of “segregated” education and restricted opportunity that he believed led nowhere. Still, today he called himself a “jerk” for being a “jokester” in the face of his grandmother’s pleadings for him to attend school. This grandson, who grew up with eight sisters, all now deceased, but with nephews and nieces who are nearby and visit him.
The cancer-riddled, bone-thin patient’s story was occasionally and sharply interrupted by his intense struggle to cough up phlegm. “I’m so weak,” he said, coughing. “Hit me on the back,” which I did. “More. Harder!” He finally coughed up and spit out a glob in a container.
Being a “jerk” is part of growing up, I told him. “I was a jerk at times. Everyone has been.” At different points during the visit, I told him that “God loves all of us very much—in church or out.” That “God loves you very much.” That “Jesus touched the lives of all kinds of people to reveal that God is ‘tight’ with everyone.” He said that he believed God loved him. But, in the face of death, it was about him being “tight with God.”
The patient was receptive to my offer of prayer—so much so that he held my right hand very, very tight throughout the prayer, and far beyond—a prayer that affirmed him and god’s love for him. We had become “tight.” I listened to his story, understood something of the struggle of an 80-year-old cancer-stricken black man growing up in a “segregated,” and still white-controlled and favored society. A black man whose faith in an eternally loving god seemed to be reaffirmed. At the end of the visit, he held up his fist for me to tap with my fist, and, as I did, he repeated, “I feel much stronger now.” “Good. You’re a good man,” I replied. It was about him being “tight” with another human being who represented that which is believed to be forever lovingly “tight” with everyone.
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Bill Alberts is a hospital chaplain at Boston Medical Center. Dr. Alberts is a nationally
known writer and an occasional contributor to Counterpunch. In addition, he is convener of the New England Chapter of CPSP. He can be reached at william.alberts@bmc.org.
Posted by Perry Miller, Editor at November 1, 2009 10:55 AM
